Two men and a woman were applying to be FBI agents and had undergone
extensive testing for the job. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of
the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the
circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill
Her!"
The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife." The agent
said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into
the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his
eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill
her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one
after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few
minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She
wiped the sweat from her brow.
"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the
chair."
| Subject: kids on marriage You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. * Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. * Kirsten, age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. * Camille, age 10 No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. * Freddie, age 6 HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. * Derrick, age 8 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids. * Lori, age 8 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. * Lynnette, age 8 On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. * Martin, age 10 WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. * Craig, age 9 WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? When they're rich. * Pam, age 7 The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. * Curt, age 7 The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. * Howard, age 8 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out. * Theodore, age 8 It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. * Anita, age 9 HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? * Kelvin, age 8 "And the #1 Favorite is........" HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck. * Ricky, age 10 |
50 things she wishes you knew...1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or after sex doesn't count. |
Things He Wishes You Knew...Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
complaining about you leaving it down. |
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.